by BCPA

The holiday season is a time of family joy, reconciliation and dreams coming true. But this magical picture is not a reality for many of us. In fact, holidays can be a source of great stress. Love, fellowship, togetherness and giving have become the hallmarks of the holiday season. But what if you are not able to be around people and feel you have nothing to give?

Who Suffers Holiday Stress?
Many Canadians find it difficult to conform to this so-called ?spirit of the season?. For those who have no regular companionship, those who are isolated, and those who are marking unhappy anniversaries (i.e., death, divorce, bankruptcy, job loss, etc.) it can be an agonizing time of year. They can easily feel lost, lonely or forgotten among the busy-ness of the season.

One?s financial burden tends to increase substantially due to the pressures of buying gifts, entertaining, travel, and the like. For low income individuals and families, this is particularly difficult as they may find themselves in deeper debt or feeling inadequate for not being able to provide or participate in festivities as much as they would like.

Eating, drinking and parties have become virtually synonymous with the holiday season. While many people complain about expanding waistlines, there are many others for whom these temptations are far greater than just a nuisance. Individuals who have alcohol abuse problems are faced with not only seasonal stressors, but also an abundance of alcohol. The combination may be difficult to resist

Family reunions are another aspect of holidays which can be stressful in the best of circumstances. Families have to deal with the stress of long standing relationship patterns that may not work well. There can be difficult times and hurt feelings because of the way people treat have always treated each other.

Women can be particularly vulnerable because of the added work the holidays bring. They are often the ones who do most of the decorating, baking, cooking, cleaning, present buying and child care. Women can get worn out and feel rotten for feeling rotten at this ?happy? time of year.


Dealing with Stress
Remember that lots of people feel stress over the holidays. ?Holiday blues? often result form the expectations we place on ourselves and those that are placed on us that fall far short of the holiday hype of peace, love and harmony. Here are some tips on how to avoid and deal with seasonal stress:

? Think about what the holiday season means to you: What values do you think of when you think of the holidays - are you practicing them? Think about previous holidays and how you spent your time and energy, what worked and what didn?t. Develop a plan. This will help you be more realistic which helps reduce burn out.

? Coping with loss and loneliness: It is normal to feel depressed because of loneliness, an unhappy anniversary, or from a recent romantic break-up. For the holidays, you may want to do something different like take a vacation with a family member or friend or spend time with people who care about you. Try not to isolate yourself. If you feel there is no one available, then reach out to others in need and consider attending a religious service or community gathering. Try to tell those around you what you need, since they may not know how to help you.

? Be realistic about your family situation: Many families have problems when they get together. Develop a plan for the family events that includes ways to reduce or avoid family fights or difficulties. It is important to remember that all families have long standing patterns that don?t work well. An older brother may always act like the older brother, telling the younger ones what to do. A plan helps you reduce the friction.

? Be flexible with traditions: As a family, consider the traditions and rituals that you practice. Which ones do you enjoy the most or the least? It is good to let go of traditions that do not work for you. Be flexible and willing to adapt to changes in your family structure (marriages, remarriages, divorce). Let go of any attachment to the way things ?should be? or to celebrating on the actual holiday if they don?t work. You may wish to spend time with family (and friends) soon after the holidays as opposed to on Christmas day. Remember, it is spending time together that matters ? not when.

? The holidays are not about how much you spend: Do not blame yourself if you are in a difficult financial situation and do not spend out of guilt. Try and avoid the trap of equating love with the quantity or cost of gifts. Set a budget and stick to it! You can show someone you care by putting a lot of thought into a special meaningful gift that does not cost an arm and a leg. Consider making your gifts or giving the gift of your time such as visiting a shut in friend or helping build or repair something important to the other person.

? Take care of yourself. Don?t forget what the holidays mean for you. Remember to pay attention to your own needs and feelings. Take care of yourself by getting enough sleep, eating well and regularly and keeping active. Watch how much alcohol you drink. Spend time with positive, supportive people and pace yourself so you don?t get burned out.
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